Julia was always careful to use "we" rather than "I" in talking about her career. Paul had been her original inspiration and mentor, and was essential to her success. In The French Chef Cookbook, Julia thanked him thus: "Paul Child, the man who is always there: porter, dishwasher, official photographer, mushroom dicer and onion chopper, editor, fish illustrator, manager, taster, idea man, resident poet, and husband."
Later, she'd say, "Not everybody realizes that Paul and I are a team, and that we work together on developing menus and dishes."
When they hosted dinner parties, Paul and Julia would plan a menu and shop together; she would cook, while he chopped vegetables, set the table, made cocktails, poured wine, and helped with serving; at the end of an evening, they would share pot scrubbing, floor-mopping, and trash removal. "We always finished our individual tasks at the same time—because, I suppose, we did everything that was to be done together," Julia said. "Two are so much faster than one."
He was always there for her, and she for him, but they also knew when to give each other space. "We each need long, silent times by ourselves, and it's worked out awfully well," Julia said. "We agree on just about everything. I think I'm more social than Paul. I enjoy big parties, he doesn't. But we don't fight about it. We like the same friends."
Julia described the institution of marriage as a "lovely intertwining of life, mind, and soul," and asserted that she was content as a housewife: "I think the role of a woman is to be married to a nice man and enjoy her home. I can't think of anything nicer than homemaking." She fondly recalled that in all their years of living abroad, she and Paul were rarely apart: "We had a happy marriage because we were together all the time."
These are appealing sentiments, and they were genuine. But once Julia became a celebrity the day-to-day reality of the Childs' marriage grew more complex. There was a tension inherent between her wish to be a good wife and her professional ambitions. The first required selflessness while the latter required selfishness; maintaining a balance wasn't easy.
Beneath her modest exterior, Julia was a very determined person who loved to work hard and was energized by success. Cookery was not merely a pastime to her: it was a vocation and a nearly religious calling. She had found her raison d'être in Paris and never deviated from it, though she denied she was goal oriented. "I'm not driven. I'm enjoying what I do, and I don't have any great ambitions," she said. "I'm lucky to be in this profession that I just adore."
With all due respect, she was driven and ambitious. She had to be. One doesn't stumble into the kind of remarkable career she had in books, television, magazines, newspapers, and live performance, or invent and reinvent oneself as often and as successfully as she did—especially as a woman of that era—unless one is focused on doing so.
Julia's professional obligations dictated how and where she and Paul spent their time. This could mean working twelve to sixteen hours a day at home or in the TV studio, rising before dawn to perform live cooking demonstrations in far-flung cities, or undertaking cross-country book tours, transatlantic cruises on the Queen Elizabeth, or visits to the White House. She felt guilty about ignoring Paul, and made sure to include him and take care of him as much as she could. The two of them occasionally slipped away to "recharge the batteries" in Maine or California or France. But most of their time was devoted to the care and feeding of Julia Child, Inc.
Paul was content with this arrangement. He was proud of Julia's success, and happy that she was the public face of the team while he remained in the background. This is one of the most remarkable aspects of the Childs' marriage. While Julia was naturally social, Paul was a quiet observer who trained himself to be an effective public speaker, writer, and editor. "My whole life has been concerned with communication," he explained. "Communication is the glue that holds people together . . . it's the mortar of civilization's structure."
While in the Foreign Service, Paul was the "senior" member of the Child team; after his retirement, he took care of the less glamorous side of things. He was a dedicated gardener and was handy with broken lamps, leaky toilets, or caulking around the furnace. He had a sophisticated eye, and helped Julia—who was not an especially visual person— style her dining tables and the sets of her TV shows. "'Paul,' was my frequent plea, 'this platter of vegetables just doesn't look right,'" Julia recalled. "And with a few deft movements he'd almost always manage to transform it."
